miss Him

I miss Him. Haven't been talking to Him the past years until lately.
Did stations of the cross last night...and just that simple thing lightened my heart. I've come to realize that problems that i feel im facing right now is NOTHING. These are but my illusions of being incomplete. Dwelling on problems, be it work or personal is just a waste of time. I realized that I have more blessings to be thankful for than problems to worry myself with.

Despite the fact that I feel my relationship with Him is not as same as before...He never turned his back on me. He even gave me more blessings that I don't think I deserve. In my prayers, what I can only utter was Im sorry...quite a number of times. For not being there. For not keeping him in the loop (in work terms hehe).

I feel that I'm quick to lose my temper and patience because I dont have Him in my life. I'm even sometimes quick to judge. I dont know if this is just a holy week thing for me...but Im seeing life differently. I feel too that Im starting to thirst for His Words. To guide me. To embrace me again. and perhaps even give my life new meaning.

I am not perfect. Nobody is I guess. I've tried my best to be the best in everything that I want to do...but shamefully I admit I have not worked hard in my relationship with Him. Ive in fact somehow neglected Him...got caught up with worldly issues.

But I thank Him for loving me despite my imperfections. For not giving up on me though we havent been talking. Maybe He's been talking to me but I wasnt listening.

Just realized that maybe some of the things that are happening to me are happening because theres something missing in my life. And i tend to look around somewhere else to fill that gap but in fact maybe its just Him thats not in my life. Or at least Im not there for Him coz He never let me feel that He's not there.